Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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