it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
