Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
