I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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