Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
