Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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