so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
its liver damage thursday
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
