yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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