it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize