Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
