Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
