I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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