So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The struggles of a small town man whore
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
