I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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