I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
