I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
