Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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