god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
