Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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