Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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