I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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