We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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