ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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