I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
