she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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