I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
