Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
