Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
