How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
