it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
