moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
