I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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