Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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