weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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