if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
