I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
