I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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