i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
