Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
