he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
