great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
