Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
