If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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