At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
