Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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