i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
