I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
