overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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