UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
