And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
