I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
