cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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