I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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