Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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