ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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