i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"