You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.