the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dating After Heartbreak
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow