Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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