Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
