So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
