she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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