Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
