We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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