Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
