when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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